The Return of Sensei Jerry

Those of you who accompanied me to Sensei Jerry’s extravaganza a couple of years ago will find this amusing. The rest of you (who will have no idea what the hell I’m talking about) should read on for more information.

Sensei Jerry and his crazy-ass brand of Aiki Jiu Jitsu have finally hit the Bullshido forums. Bullshido happens to be one of the leading martial arts forums on the internet and is frequented by my housemate Ryan. I had told Ryan about our adventure with Sensei Jerry back when it had happened early last year, much to his amusement. I promised I would write an article about all of this back then but I never got around to it and eventually just gave up on the idea, thinking that no written account could really do him or his “dojo” justice.

With his notoriety reaching the Bullshido forums though, I volunteered to write the following brief recollection of our experiences for Ryan to post there. Apparently some members of the forum are discussing visiting Sensei Jerry, and I can only hope they find the experience as gratifying as we did. Our trip provided all of us who went limitless amounts of entertainment to this very day. Read on for more of the background story; you can find Sensei Jerry’s website at http://www.aikijiujitsukungfu.com/.

If anyone who was there with me wants to correct anything I’ve written, let me know, because I’m sure I’ve forgotten something since then.

About a year and a half ago a few friends and I saw an advertisement on a supermarket bulletin board for a “Jiu Jitsu Circus”. Knowing this sounded patently ridiculous but also knowing it had the potential to be a hysterically awesome experience, we headed there one Sunday night. What we witnessed has stayed with me ever since. None of us are martial artists by any means, but we can recognize complete insanity when we see it.

Enter Sensei Jerry. “Class” began with a recap of the most recent “hunt” that took place in Connecticut. Those who had somehow performed in an unsatisfactory manner were punished…with swirlies. I kid you not. Four other members of the group picked them up, carried them to the bathroom, and did the deed. The Sensei then congratulated everyone on a job well done, and began espousing the benefits that come with training – being able to disguise oneself in any situation (for example, the Port Jefferson Ferry), stretching out one’s “meridian system” (according to Sensei Jerry, computers and TV were a government plot to lower life expectancy and the only way to combat this was with the “good fear”). Then, it was time for class to begin. What followed can only be described as: absolutely fucking insane.

The class broke off into random sparring sessions, and in the middle of it was Sensei Jerry. We soon found out what he meant by the “good fear”. Jerry would occassionally pick out someone to chase down with a random weapon of his choice. It would be anything – a rake, a whiffle ball bat, a paddle, a meathook – it was all fair game. Sometimes he would size someone up with throwing knives or ninja stars and they would have to successfully dodge his throws. Jerry seemed to get a lot of enjoyment out of the experience. At one point he was paddling one of the female students on her rear, but took a break from chasing her down to look at us with a maniacal glint in his eyes and exclaim “I love smacking that ass!”. Now and then he would stop by to ask if we were enjoying ourselves or if we wanted to join in. We politely declined to jump into the fray but indicated that we were enjoying the experience, although I’m unsure if he picked up the mix of shock, horror, amusement, and bewilderment we had at the moment. Class continued in this vein for most of the rest of the night.

Finally, Jerry called a break in the action to talk to his class one more time. He had reserved particular praise for one student who was, very oddly, wearing a ninja mask the entire evening. Apparently he had come a long way since he had first started training and had earned Jerry’s respect. He spoke about several individuals – some had been attending for years and years, one older gentleman had even been “near death” before entering the academy, Jerry claimed, but was now full of vim and vigor.

The class drew to a close. The students enjoyed some cake that was served from the refreshment stand, in retrospect an odd amenity for a ‘dojo’. We made our way home with a story to tell, but not before Jerry handed us small pamphlets with a hilarious self-help quiz to find out if we too needed his services. I wish I still had mine, but it contained a lot of the same catchphrases you’ll find on his website now. The best way to describe the whole experience was “remarkable” and we spent an hour talking about it over coffee afterwards. Ryan was rather amused when I told him about our adventure (as I expected he would be) and was even more amused to see that Jerry and his group had finally caught the attention of Bullshido, as was I. I hope you all get a chance to see Jerry and his crew first hand, it’s really something to behold.

Updates will follow as more information comes to light. I may visit the place again sometime in the near future to get a refresher course; if this happens, I will certainly write a more complete account of the experience for everyone. Stay tuned.