eHarmony can continue to suck it.

As you may know, some time ago I wrote an article on those obnoxious eHarmony commercials and my disdain for Neil Clark Warren, the founder of the online dating site. While writing the article I decided to take one of their long, torturous, overwrought personality tests. Not surprisingly, aside from telling me absolutely nothing I didn’t know (at least when it wasn’t completely wrong), it did not match me up with anyone. Tonight I was looking through my old articles and decided to log back in to the website to see what exactly it had said. Here was the explanation:

“Unfortunately, we are not able to make our profiles work for you. Our matching model could not accurately predict with whom you would be best matched. This occurs for about 20% of potential users, so 1 in 5 people simply will not benefit from our service. We hope that you understand, and we regret our inability to provide service for you at this time.”

I’m not sure why but for some reason I found this fucking hysterical! There you have it, I’m incompatible with the vast eHarmony database! In case you were wondering about how I feel about this, Dr. Neil Clark Warren can continue to get bent along with the rest of the toolbags at eHarmony. I think I’m cool with being the other 20%, thanks very much.

I’m not sure why I felt the need to post this since I basically repeated part of what I said in my original article, but it just served to remind me of how completely ridiculous I find all of this. It also reminded me how those piece of shit eHarmony commercials don’t want to go away, either. SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!!!!!

My article on Mets fans is coming soon. I think I’m slightly burned out on the baseball fan idiocy front but I have to keep on fighting the good fight.